Asian A Day Vol:1 Issue:10

Konnichiwa Asian A Day loyal followers san! We trust that your recent days have been both fruitful and prosperous. What an issue we have for you today….it is our very special issue 10! Omedetou Asian A Day san! Self zang. To celebrate this very special occasion, we are giving you plenty of Asian goodness in the form of Asian honeys, an interview with very Asian famous actor Tzi Ma who of course is most fomous for his role as Chancellor Han in Rush Hour! Not to mention we have all your usual favourite sections including “Scandanasians” and also “Sneaky Asian Corner, oooh look at ‘em sneak”. Lets get stuck in with the issue!

Konnichiwa Tzi Ma san! Domo argiatou for taking the time out of your busy schedule to complete this interview with Asian A Day…we know you are busy filming for Rush Hour 4.

Ah no Asian A Day, the domo arigatou is all mine…after all, you are doing so much for the Asian community that it is only right that I do my part for your newsletter.

You are truly a gentle man Tzi Ma san. Tell us, what was it like working with very Asian famous kung fu master Jackie Chan aswell as Asian lover and maker of loud noises, Chris Tucker?

Chris and Jackie were both very professional. We would work hard and after filming…we would play hard. One lunchtime, on set, Jackie Chan had 14 Japanese prostitutes delivered to his trailer. An hour later…only he and 3 other girls came out…the rest of the trailer was empty. Some say the remaining 11 girls went out of the back exit, some say they went out of the front…but do you know what…I know the truth…Jackie Chan is a wizard and he made those girls disappear!

No way Tzi Ma san…you’s crazy!

It is the truth…I seened it with my own Asian eyes!

Well that is incredible! You are originally from Beijing but you live at quite an incredible address now. Tell us about it…

Haha (high pitched yet manly laugh followed by an intense stare) For many years now, I have lived in the back garden of the White House in Washington DC. When I first moved to America I was just starting out acting and could not afford much. So I became a cleaner at the White House. One day I was cleaning  President Clinton’s bedroom when I stumbled upon a boardgame. It was an old wooden box and when I opened it I swear I could hear the beat of a jungle drum. As I went to roll the dice I heard a voice from behind me scream “DON’T ROLL!”

Who was behind you?! We need to know!

It was the president. He proceded to tell me that over 40 years ago he and his brother had been playing this board game and with the wrong roll of the dice, the game had sprung to life and swollowed his brother and since then he had been stuck in the game. Stuck in the jungle. Stuck in…Jumunji. We had to get his brother out of the game. We spent years rolling the dice and dealing with the consequences but alas…we never found him. But President Clinton thanked me for my troubles by building me a giant sand castle to live in. It came equipped with a George Fornman grill, satellite TV and moat…every thing a China man needs for life in America.

Wow..that is a truly amazing story. Asian A Day wishes we had more time but we’ll have to leave it at that Tzi Ma san. Sayounara!

Asian Caption Corner! Zang!

“Life was hard for the human wheel barrow”

Think you can come up with a better caption…add it to the comments at the bottom of the issue and you could be mentioned in the next issue of Asian A Day and also win a tshirt (still to be printed)!! Zang!

Many omedetou to winner of last issues caption competiton Paul Stigah san! Many applause and bows to you for your hai-larious caption.

Scandanaisa! Zang!

This is feature to our newsletter brings to light any Skandanavians living in Asia…or vice versa. If you’re a Scandanavian living in Asia or an Asian living in Scandanavia, we wanna hear about it!

This issue we catch up with undercover Scandanavian and Entourage star Gary Busey! Gary was born and raised in Oklahoma but had Scandanavian grandparents. But what makes Gary Busey ScandanASIAN  you ask? Well not many people know this but Gary Busey owns and operates the largest sperm donation bank in Japan! Gary Busey donates every drop of sperm himself so that couples get the chance to have a little part of the Lethal Weapon actor in their lives forever! “Busey’s Baby Bank” has been open since July 2003 and since then has helped more than 10,000 infertile couples give birth. Busey’s Baby Bank is a non-profit organisation but there is one term which couples must adhere to when receiving Busey’s sperm. Every child born must be named one of three names; Gary, Busey or Gary Busey. Now that’s a zang fact!

Sneaky Asian corner…oooooh, look at ‘em sneak!

This edition to Asian A Day newsletter commits itself to finding forgotten Asian hotties in movies and TV shows. “Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the look out for a smoking hot Asian chick” “This is car 54…I think we got her” It’s non other than sexy Asian milf Ming-Na Wen who of course played Chun-Li in the original Street Fighter in 1995! She thought she could escape from out clutches but we beat her to an Asian pulp and collected her hottness like an extremely rare Charizard Pokemon card. She is now property of Asian A Day.

Ming-Na Wen Profile…Top 5 Facts!

1. Ming-Na was born on an island just off the coast of Hong Kong in November 1963! ZANG!
2. Ming-Na has a tattoo of the entire Dominos pizza menu on her back..including discount offers! ZANG!
3. Ming-Na Wen assassinated Abraham Lincoln! ZANG!
4. Ming-Na Wen once beat Lenox Lewis in an arm wrestle but later went on to braid his hair so that he wouldn’t feel upset! ZANG!

…and finally, fact number 5…
Ming-Na Wen once took some magic mushrooms…blacked out and when she woke, she found that she had shredded the face off her pet german sheperd with a cheese grater! ZANG!

Asian A Day Actor Street Fight: Back to the Streets! Zang!

Ever pondered life’s greatest mysteries? Ever questioned reality? Then this is the section for you! Here we answer life’s greatest question…who would win in a fight…Ken Jeong who played Leslie Chow in Hollywood film “The Hangover” or Chan Tai who played the POW camp officer who keeps slapping Robert Deniro and yelling “Maow!” in the film “The Deer Hunter”! We catch up with the fighters in the AAD Trapezoid cage…

Fighters Ready! Fists ready! HAII!

Both fighters circle each other cautiously…never breaking eye conta…Ken Jeong attacks first with a scissor kick out of nowhere that hits Chan Tai in the side of the head! Tai recovers quickly and gets back on his feet. Jeong strikes with a low sweeping leg kick but Tai anticipates and flips over crouched Jeong and hits back with a hard side kick to the back of Jeong’s head! He drops to the floor and pummles Ken Jeong in the ribs with a flurry of punches! Jeong is blocking…it doesn’t look like there’s anyway he can escape thi…OH and he’s flipped the Deer Hunter actor! Both actors roll away from each other. Jeong runs at Tai and attacks with a flurry of kicks to the upper body and OOOHH! He catches Tai cleanly in the stomach. Tai does a backwards roll…Jeong moves quickly towards him…Tai gets to his feet…a golden glow seems to be growing in the palm of his hand…”MMMAAAOOOOWWW!!” Woah!!!!! Chan Tai lands a monster open handed Maow Slap right across Ken Jeong’s chest! Jeong is out for the count!

KO

Well we hope you enjoyed issue 10 of Asian A Day..remember, if you enjoy reading Asian A Day, why not spread the Asian word and tell an Asian loving friend! Let’s expand our Asian A Day family and spread the Asian love! If you liked any of the Asian hotties in today’s issue and want to know who they are…all you need to do is ask!

Remember to subscribe to Asian A Day if you havn’t already! It’s easy! At the top right of the page type in your email and then when you get a confirmation email sent to you..simply click confirm! Then you will receive brand new Asian A Day’s straight to your inbox and your life will be complete.

Until next time…Sayounara!